a goal.

i just sent out some demo packages today. it was a goal. i've done this 3 or 4 times during my musical career. you hear many talented songwriters and musicians speak of the rejection rates being very very high, etc. understood. i don't believe it's just a matter of talent, presence, etc. in fact, the last friend who commented to me about the high rejection rates experienced by musicians/songwriters is a very talented songwriter himself with great playing ability and a great singing voice. i only know it was just a goal to 'do' it again...the demo has 6 of my original tunes on it...all of which i enjoy and some of which i'm very proud of...set a goal, do it, done. the rest is up to a power beyond us...

again

weather ....spring weather in AZ is amazing
and so was my anger.
amazing anger...
cutting with words anger....

i get sick of shit.
shitty behavior,
shitty words,
shitty relations,
but i don't always apply the cleansing power
of detachment.

i have spent a long time practicing kindness.
i still believe it goes a long way.
i still believe it is needed in this world.

i get tired sometimes. just plain tired.
i shan't stuff stuff down anymore.
i shan't pretend anymore.
but, i will practice kindly detachment...where necessary...
by the grace of God...

....'always we begin again.'

God help the fortune tellers

the customer service is so sweet it's a bit saccharine.
a local lady with the appearance of some mental issues, jokes with, talks to, and berates her young daughter and teenage son...whilst twirling her
stringy hair....

a ringless mother chases her baby tank boy around from time to time...
only to come back to her waffle fries...

i just read an article that reminds me that some of the labor privileges
i enjoy came as a result of the hunger, sweat, sacrifice, and death of others
who had the sac to stand up for what was right and equitable.

i see a small sea of blonde moms feed their kids and talk amongst themselves,

i see a 30-something mom with a centerfold figure and sun-weathered skin walking with her chubby daughter and i wonder how she treats her...i wonder only...i'm no fortune teller...i don't want to be anymore.

no song, gospel or otherwise comes to mind. iggy pop's 1969 was on my stereo before i stepped out of my car, but it will far from suffice went it comes to salving the soul.

teenage girls talk in the parking lot and a few of them smoke....they've got that awkward smoking appearance...give it enough time and they'll be pros.

the sweet sales lady in the shoe store is trapped by the rotund man's sharing....you see he's got a chronic problem with ingrown toe nails from all of his years in the service? i know about ingrown toe nails...i've had 3 surgeries on my big toes...i wear shoes with plenty of toe room and open toed sandals as much as possible...i've never served in the armed forces.

i drive back to my office and there is a small reptile turd on the flip flops that i keep there...a dark and almost dried out lizard makes his scurry. i find him and set him outside. i hope he doesn't die...i often find them when they're getting nice and dehydrated. they must like the crumbs from my snacks?

in just a moment i will internally grab myself by the nape of the neck and make myself walk to another property so i can make sure their bathrooms are not doo-doo-ey and that the smell of onion doesn't waft through their workspace because somebody decided to pick them out of the sammich they ordered only to toss them in their office bucket.

in another moment i may daydream about my packing list, be distracted by the spring weather and wait till it's almost too late to fix a lock i'm supposed to work on...oh, but now i'm fortune telling aren't i?

thrashy....

india ink and paint pens and late night hours and sleepy afternoon times....

working dreams

working dreams by todd b. c. 2011
Early morning and working dreams
Gas station is full of working wonders, groggy eyed and caffeine depleted.
Register boys are chipper and ‘on the money.’
Sheriffs, bus drivers, construction workers, city workers, lil’ business men with rolly polly frames and gold jewelry.
Some like it hot, some dip from the soda well….some like the fruit others want the wrapped sandwiches that are high in fat….everybody likes the pastries…not everyone admits it….
Sun is slowly comin’ up over the horizon…just a peek a boo so far and it is one of the most beautiful parts of the day.
I pour my partially octane-d coffee into the tricky post-consumer Styrofoam-like cup and shuffle to the chipper lad…
Debit swipe…gas included…set me free…
Car drinks the gas…the gas prices rise…and I think about moving back west of here… I might need to find work in the actual town I live in….
If times are getting hard boys, I’m not sure I wanna know about it…
God have mercy.